{"product_id":"even-if-im-not","title":"Even if I'm Not","description":"\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003eThe Greatest Loss. The Way Forward. A Mother's Story.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eMy first words as a mother were, \"Don’t drop him.” It was as if I knew, even before I held my first child, that I wouldn’t be able to hold onto my children.\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003eWe were the family who lost half our children; over a ten-year period, four of our eight children died, as infants, from a rare mitochondrial disorder. After the babies died, I was sure that nothing terrible could happen to us ever again. \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003eNot to us.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003eThen, Yossi, our oldest child and only son, drowned six weeks before his wedding day.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003eAs a child, Yossi loved playing with words. Once, when he was getting ready for school, I said to him, \"There are bagels on the counter if you’re hungry.”\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003eHe said, \"Even if I’m not.”\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\"What?”\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\"The bagels are on the counter even if I’m not hungry.”\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003eAfter Yossi died, I grappled with long-held beliefs: Hashem is close; everything that happens has a purpose; and our \u003cspan\u003eneshamos \u003c\/span\u003econtinue to exist after we leave This World. The comfort of these truths was there for me, if I was ready to accept it, but also—as I learned—\"even if I’m not”… \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003eAt first, I couldn’t find my way forward. I felt like Hashem was saying, \u003cspan\u003eI’m asking you to do something impossible. Do it anyway. \u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003eEven If I’m Not \u003c\/span\u003eis the story of doing the impossible.\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Israel Bookshop Publications","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":45322979410116,"sku":null,"price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0586\/2886\/6244\/files\/C6F30BC4-059E-441F-9BA6-1F8BC1DFB883.jpg?v=1761689593","url":"https:\/\/kingston-judaica.myshopify.com\/products\/even-if-im-not","provider":"Kingston Judaica","version":"1.0","type":"link"}